Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. I was actually enjoying it. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. I've got some good news. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? I Am Shuvo Saha. P.G. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Hit the ball. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. I like to go low. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Enjoy! Correct one fault at a time. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? 3. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Dirt your body. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. Lee Trevino, 59. 3 of 10. 8. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? What is a golfers favorite bird? My caddy says I should use a hard 7. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Required fields are marked *. The fourth putt! Go to the golf course. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" Very interesting. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? In the Golf of Mexico! The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. After 18 holes I can barely walk. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. I was off to-day! O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? Ben Hogan. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Wanna be my caddy? He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. Man: Please dont go. 20. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. A dinner without wine. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? Do you share these funny golf jokes? Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! 1. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. 5. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. There is no such thing as a natural touch. Golf Quotes About Life 22. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. Knock, knock Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. If we . Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the All the fans are gone! Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? 19. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. A hole in one of a kind model. What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. Keep your sense of humor. Sawdust City LLC. They like cricket better. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. My drives aren't always long and straight. First and foremost, you must have confidence. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. 5. Get in the hole! Why dont grasshoppers play golf? Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? ~ Victor Hugo. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. Your fifth putt. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? The most important shot in golf is the next one. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Because her coach was a pumpkin. You okay with that? Play golf. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Required fields are marked *. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. when we were married," said the pouting wife. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. Spread your legs a little more. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? no! Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. 1. You are signed up for our newsletter! In case they get a hole-in-one! Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. At the golf corpse! Funny Family Poems. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Andy. Because all the other four letter words were taken. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. This post may contain affiliate links. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". If you drink, dont drive. Nay! "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. Why are golf and sex so similar? Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? Drop some in the comments! He's the one getting his balls cleaned. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. You swing left and the ball goes right. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. Damn, my shaft's all bent. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf Its to move on. Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. The other 20. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. Whos there? Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. Wash your balls. Whats the difference between golf and sex? You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. Dont even putt. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. 5. Check it out now! Eight. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. They dont have the heart for it. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. 2. He was puttering around. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. Your email address will not be published. 22. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? Golf is more complicated than that. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. "Golf is my profession. Golfing? Because he walked into the wrong club! Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. Oh my God, what have I just said?". He said. Roarin' Mcllroy You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. I`m really worried about myself. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Why not! Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. What did the duck say to the golf ball? Do you know why the game is called golf? It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. In case he gets a hole in one. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. 2. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! Wodehouse Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. So, what are your thoughts? Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Whos there? Henny Youngman, Go play golf. Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Lift your head and spread your legs. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! 5. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. If you break 80, watch your business. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! Bye Bye Birdie. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? Are you looking for some funny jokes? Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. clubs. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. About 160 yards was his reply. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. It can be difficult. What do you call a lion playing golf? Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? Please accept the terms of our newsletter. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. But you cant just forget not to think. -Happy Gilmore. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!.